Home and back again..

Granny got to come home yesterday afternoon. The girls were so excited, and was making her get well cards last night. We were all drawing when my great uncle from Arizona called. He said that he had been calling granny's house and couldn't get them. I was sure they had went to bed, and that it was nothing more. Then my mother called and said that they had granny back at the ER in Mena, and that they were rushing her to Ft. Smith. Her lung was releasing air into her body cavity. They said at Mena that this was common, but FS never told the family that this could happen. Granny was pretty swollen and we are not sure what will happen now. My mother and myself are heading up there tomorrow, and hopefully Averrie will be better so that we can take the girls with us. Granny wants to see them really bad, and I am afraid that she will have to be kept in the hospital and won't get to come home.

On another note, Sam has found Night Rider on Netflix. HEAVEN HELP ME!!! I can't stand David Hasslehoff, and would rather not listen to K.I.T speak. He seems to be in heaven over there, with the girls setting next to him, just as interested as he is. Aleeyah can't believe that a car can talk haha. I wonder if I should turn on the cordless phone, since it messes up the WiFi signal and it causes the Netflix to go out. Let's see if it causes a commotion...YEP, it sure does!!! This could be fun!!!

The struggle begins...

I called my grandmother's room today and can hear her in the back ground moaning. The hardest noise I could ever hear, to know she is hurting so badly. I have such mixed emotions right now. Pain, anger, hurt, restlessness, uncertainty and so many more. We have the official results back, my grandmother is dieing of stage four lung cancer. There is no other measures that they can do to save her life. She has less than months to live. I think the fear that she will suffer is overwhelming, the fear that she is going to hurt. I don't want her to hurt. She has told of her wishes, she has taken her steps to make everything prepared. How do you prepare yourself, for what is going to happen? I don't know? I can't prepare myself for what I know is going to happen. My heart just aches so badly. As I set here, the tears just won't stop, next to my mom, and sam, my granny is my best friend. I am not ready to loose her, I wanted her to see Aleeyah graduate, I wanted her to see Averrie play sports. My granny loves her grandchildren and great-grandchildren. They are her life, her breath that she breaths daily. I have asked my aunt when she calls back to just put the phone to grannies ear, I just want to tell her that I love her. That she means the world to me, to my kids. I am angered at my cousin EB, who has had nothing to do with my granny in the last two or three years, and suddenly she swings in here, and tries to take over things. Does she not know how many times my granny called me crying, and telling me that she didn't understand why EB hated her so much. She hasn't seen her children in months and even then it was for about 5-10 mins and she said that they had to run. I don't regret anything that I have done for/with/to my granny. I have always tried to be there so much for her, and made sure she got the opportunity to see her great grandchildren. I know that all these feelings that I am having is due to the grief that I can't seem to control. The pain that is so intense that not even medicine can ease it. To loose someone suddenly is so hard, I have been there, but to watch them lay and hurt and suffer is so much harder. You would think you would have time to learn to face the long, hard, truth, but we are only 4 days into this and I cannot wrap my head around it. I can't for the life of me, comprehend how, why, and why cancer. I know that the Lord tells me that we are only promised 3 score and ten years, around 70 years old, anything after that is burrowed time. It is just that somehow I feel that granny is just going to miss so much, and that isn't fair. My children, I wanted them to have the same relationship with granny that I did, all the late night snacks, and the playing with jewelry. They have their own, but they are 5 and 3, they could have so many more. I don't question God's plan, or his intentions, I just ask that he comforts us. Wraps his arms around us and comforts us!!!

Oh me, Oh my.....

I seriously think I could just set down and CRY. We have heard from my aunt, who is in FS with my grandmother. Things are not good. When they attempted the surgery both of her lungs collapsed. She is awake now, but is hurting really badly, and she is vomiting really bad. Both of which they are not controlling with anything. The hospital refuses to give her anything else, since she had complications during surgery.

I feel so torn, should I try to make it to FS tonight? Should I wait and go tomorrow? What if something happens tonight and I don't get to say goodbye?

I thought that maybe I would just share a couple of memories that I have of my grandmother. When I was young, she was my best friend. We use to set up late at night and watch movies in the living room, while I played with her BOX and I mean BOX of jewelry. Rings that I loved to play with, and movies I remember still to this day. How she use to take me to Sonic and get french fries with cheese when I was (faking) sick. Just so I could go and see her. The grill cheeses that she used to make me and her chicken and dumplings, and setting in her chair late at night with her. The way she smells and the way she does her hair. Setting on the washing machine, while she let us fix our hair and put on makeup. The Loads and loads of bubbles that she use to put into the bathtub with us.

You know the saddest thing is, although she has not had the same memories with my girls. They have made their own. She always makes chocolate milk for the girls and has a huge bag of candy bars for them. She always turns the tv to cartoons, and sets and rocks them like she use to do me. I think that is the most devastating part, how am I supposed to tell the girls?

How do I tell them that granny-great is sick? What if it does come to her leaving this world? What do I tell them when that time comes? How do I explain the situation of life and death to the girls?
I just continue to be torn. I don't take loosing someone, or something happening to my family like this. Even though my grandmother has not passed away, and you might be thinking that I am jumping the gun a bit. You don't know my grandma. Her health is HORRIBLE, she weighs 89 pounds, she is sick all the time. When the doctor tells you that Chemo will be no help because she is to weak you have to face reality! They were unable to take the tumor out, so she will have a 6 by 6 area in her lung that could stretch to other areas. Things are just coming in bit by bit. Please continue to pray, and I will continue to blog.

Prayer sweet prayer

Well, my grandmother has been fighting lung infections for months now. I told her the other day that something was wrong and she needed to get it checked out. This morning they went to FS, to the doc and had a tumor removed from her lung. Well, I just received the call and she has full blown lung cancer. My aunt is up there with them and said that my grandpa had broke down on her, and that granny-great doesn't know just yet. They haven't told her, and we don't know what to say. She had not told anyone about the tumor, except me. I had to keep it quite till she was ready to tell them.
Granny is the life to my kids. They cry to go up there, they love her so much. How am I supposed to tell them? I have never had to explain something to them before, not like this. Granny is NOT in good health and is only 90 pounds. I am scared that things won't go well, and how do I explain that? So I am asking you all to pray, cause I know that prayer can and will change things.
Dear Lord,
I pray that you heal granny-greats body dear Lord. If it is her time dear Lord, I pray that you give us and the rest of the family the guidance, love and comfort that you can. Dear Lord, I pray that if granny is to come and meet you during this time, please make sure that her life is with you. That she knows your glory and that you died for her sins. Dear Lord, I pray that the rift between the family will close, and will allow us to fight this battle together, rather than apart. Thank you Lord for your love and I pray that we have the understanding in the next couple of months, days and years...not our will, but thine will be done!!

HEDGE

Can you say beautiful? I know I can! For January, the weather today was just beautiful. We were a wonderful 68 degrees and the wind was just right. Of course they say that storms are coming tonight. Not a good thing for the Frost household. Aleeyah is terrified of the storms, and since the tornado, will loose loads of sleep because of it. ARGGGG....glad that I have WiFi now, that way i can watch the radar for her all night. Tomorrow is going to be a busy day. I have to homeschool till 12, then my sister-in-law and I are going to work out. Then I have to help my friend move. Should be fun, and hopefully it won't be raining.
Thursday night is my first HEDGE meeting. I was worried about Aleeyah having children her age to play with and interact with. Since she is home schooled, she doesn't have alot of kids that are schooled at home. So I decided that I would locate a local group of mothers who homeschool, and join their HEDGE group. I have already had one mother contact me and I can't wait to meet them all at the Family night. I am a little scared though, since I am NOT a social person. I like to be at home alone, with my girls and am scared of large crowds. This is for Aleeyah though and I can't wait. They said that we were to bring our jump ropes, our dodge balls, basketballs and games so that all the kids can play. Aleeyah is looking forward to it. She just keeps asking me if she will get to meet friends there. I tell her I sure hope so. Hopefully some of the parents will have some children her age.
On another note, I have decided that I am going to stop doing so many pictures. I am taking a break, to take time to "enjoy" doing pictures again. I don't enjoy them as much as I did, and I have not been taking them of the girls as much as I used to, and that bothers me. I am always doing other pictures and never doing my own. So from now on I will be only taking the jobs that are ones that I have been doing as favors to the friends. If anyone needs pictures I know of some awesome girls who can do some, just let me know!!!.....

This and that...

It has been a while since I have posted a blog. Mainly because with home school, the house, my photography and things like that time isn't something I have allot of.

This has been a stressful month to say the least. About 2 weeks ago, a girl that I have taken pictures for, calls and asks if I would be willing to take some pictures. Well, I am not sure if I should do this and it took me sometime to decide. So I call her and told her yes! She said that they would take my name to the committee and let me know. 2 weeks passed so I thought that there was no use in making plans to be there. Until WEDNESDAY, and boom she calls me. She says that it is short notice, but they need me there Sat night at 6. Then the hard part starts, she wants a back ground in a color that I don't have. She was not really wanting to give on that. So I agree to work with her and try to find one, and then in the middle of me finding one, she decides that they want black. Well, that was a color that I had so I started trying to figure out what I was going to do. I was at a loss, since I was afraid that using black, a girl with a black dress would not work.

So my mother and myself set up till almost 3 am cutting and putting silver stars on the black background. When we got to the dance, we had a white tree with lots of snow, and it made it look like a stary night!! Like they were standing in snow on a winter night. I was also asked to stay afterwards to take pictures of the kids dancing. So I did, and boy was that a long night. I didn't get home till 12 am that night.

Here in the Frost household we are wired to the limit. What do I mean by that, you may ask? Well, I have been a member of Netflix for about a year. I was on the Internet the other night and noticed that you could get the movies to your tv, if you had wireless Internet. Well, I didn't have wireless (although I wanted it), so I had sold my Wii and decided to buy me a wireless router at walmart. A dear friend of mine had just set hers up and she advised me on what to get. So I got it set up and away I went and may I say WONDERFUL!! I was loving the Internet on the couch, and in the bedroom late at night when Sam was at work and the girls were sleeping. So when Sammie got home I mentioned the Insignia Blue Ray DVD player that was WiFi certified. How it could stream the Netflix to the TV. He liked the idea, and called Best Buy in Ft. smith, and needless to say off we went. We got home around 5pm last night and we set it up. Man I love it. We had gotten rid of our cable, due to high cost and the bad content that was on them. So that is the reason I joined Netflix. Now I had over 12,000 movies at my fingertips on my tv, along with Television shows. Guess what???? The lowest plan on Netflix is 8.99 and you get UNLIMITED streaming....you guys that is the way to go!! The girls are loving it, I am loving it and I am carrying the computer everywhere with me...

For the first time in my life I am so totally loving technology!!

2009~~Frost Family Year in Review

2009 in Review!
2009 came and went so fast, that honestly I think I blinked!! I must have missed most of it, if not all of it.

So I am going to review the year and what has went on in the Frost home.

January

January came in with a bang. There was nothing much happening this month, just looking forward to the next year and that Aleeyah was going to be in Kindergarten this year.

February

In Feb, Sam turned 30. I tried to devise something that was going to be really mean, but then remembered that later this year I was going to turn the same and retaliation stinks. I kept it on the down low just making him cake, buying him some gifts and that be that. I did not want to be mad on my birthday when he got revenge!! HA!

March

My dad and Jamie both have a birthday this month. So mom, Jana and myself decided to throw them a birthday party. We played the WII, and had cake and gifts. I ran and got all the decorations for them. Dad turned 50 and my little brother turned 28. We had the best time that night and it was good to have all the family together. On the 29th of March, is Bethanie Nichole's birthday. Hard to believe that she would be 10 this year. I took her a birthday balloon like I always do.

April
In April the tornado hit Mena. Sam seen the tornado out the front windows, as me and the girls hid in the closet. I was terrified that I was about to loose my family, my home!! Three people lost their lives that night, and many more lost their homes, their cars and more. I ventured out to check on some friends of mine and took some shots, which were featured on CNN that week.

May

Nothing really happened this month. That is very unusual

for the Frost home. We usually always have something going. We were getting our garden ready, and was beginning to plant some corn. We got some goats, one of which will be having babies in Nov/Dec of 09. We decided to take a mini-vacation and went to Lake Catherine in Hot Springs for a week. That was such a great week besides the fact we came home with the basset hound now known as Daisy Dukes!
June
By June, I was 57 pounds lighter and was so happy. For the first time in 12 years I was able to fit in a size 5-6 and that was an amazing feeling. Going from a 14-16 to that 5-6 was heaven, and I know that I will NOT go back to that old size ever again.

July

July was my mom's birthday. She was 49 this year and swears that is where she will stay. If she finds a way to stay there I will be upset, since 30 was coming in the later part of the year. We had a birthday party at mom's and dad's, and Jamie and I got mom a new patio set for her birthday. July, is always a hard month around the Frost home. Bethanie passed away on the 21st of the month. I knew what that day would bring, but this year, due to some really great friends, it was different. The Moore/Chesley family sent me flowers and truly made my day!!!

August
In August, we were busy! The first part of August was our anniversary. 12 years ago I married my best friend and I fall in love more and more everyday. The second week of August, my parents and us went to Branson, Missouri for vacation. We stayed a week in a cabin which was supposed to be by the lake. The only thing we were close to that had water in it was the ditch!! That WILL not happen again!! We had a great time, spending two days at Silver Dollar city and one day in Springfield, MO. I got to see Alicia and the girls, and can't wait to go back!!

September

My little girl turned 3. We were a month into home school, and Aleeyah is doing so well. I was gearing up to do Tiffany's wedding, and was busy trying to organize her pictures. Chilly weather was coming in so we got the house ready for winter, spending time cleaning out the stove pipe, and cutting firewood. Winter would be upon us soon

October

This was an interesting month, since it was the month that I turned 30! I dreaded this month for the last, let's see, thirty years!! I did not want to turn that old, just wanted to stay a teen-twenty something person forever. Sam and the girls gave me pots and pans, new cell phone, shopping spree, new jacket and so much more. They had a surprise party for me and I had such a good time! Also you could tell fall was outside, as the leaves had began to change.

November

I decided to re-paint my living room, dining room, hallway and kitchen. Sam despises painting. So when I told him that I was going to paint the house he frowned and quickly told me he was NOT going to help. Oh well, who needed him anyways? Thanksgiving was wonderful, spending time with both our families. The usual tradition of having thanksgiving at mom's and then at Sam's parents. While we were at mom's we tried to get some family pictures (didn't happen to well).

December

December is a month just like any other for us. We do not celebrate Christmas so there are no festivities going on this month. Yes, we believe in the Lord Jesus Christ and believe that he was born. We just believe that the Book of Jeremiah explains to us that we are not to put up trees. Our girls are allowed to give gifts to others and receive gifts at the end of December not on the 25th. No, we are NOT Jehovah Witness either. We are Old Church of Christ. Yes, I celebrated Christmas when I was a child. Sam's family never did, and his two sisters do not celebrate to this day. It is hard to explain to those who don't understand our beliefs, but trust me, we do believe in the Lord Jesus Christ as our personal savior!!

The next year shows to be just as busy and exciting with:

A 6 day camping trip to Branson

An addition to the garage and a new double car garage

Two more birthdays for my little angels

Aleeyah graduates from Kindergarten

Averrie begins preschool

I turn 31 (heaven help me)

We will be married 13 years!! I think it is time for a renewal of vows don't you?

Hopefully my photography will continue to grow and prosper.....