Oh me, Oh my.....

I seriously think I could just set down and CRY. We have heard from my aunt, who is in FS with my grandmother. Things are not good. When they attempted the surgery both of her lungs collapsed. She is awake now, but is hurting really badly, and she is vomiting really bad. Both of which they are not controlling with anything. The hospital refuses to give her anything else, since she had complications during surgery.

I feel so torn, should I try to make it to FS tonight? Should I wait and go tomorrow? What if something happens tonight and I don't get to say goodbye?

I thought that maybe I would just share a couple of memories that I have of my grandmother. When I was young, she was my best friend. We use to set up late at night and watch movies in the living room, while I played with her BOX and I mean BOX of jewelry. Rings that I loved to play with, and movies I remember still to this day. How she use to take me to Sonic and get french fries with cheese when I was (faking) sick. Just so I could go and see her. The grill cheeses that she used to make me and her chicken and dumplings, and setting in her chair late at night with her. The way she smells and the way she does her hair. Setting on the washing machine, while she let us fix our hair and put on makeup. The Loads and loads of bubbles that she use to put into the bathtub with us.

You know the saddest thing is, although she has not had the same memories with my girls. They have made their own. She always makes chocolate milk for the girls and has a huge bag of candy bars for them. She always turns the tv to cartoons, and sets and rocks them like she use to do me. I think that is the most devastating part, how am I supposed to tell the girls?

How do I tell them that granny-great is sick? What if it does come to her leaving this world? What do I tell them when that time comes? How do I explain the situation of life and death to the girls?
I just continue to be torn. I don't take loosing someone, or something happening to my family like this. Even though my grandmother has not passed away, and you might be thinking that I am jumping the gun a bit. You don't know my grandma. Her health is HORRIBLE, she weighs 89 pounds, she is sick all the time. When the doctor tells you that Chemo will be no help because she is to weak you have to face reality! They were unable to take the tumor out, so she will have a 6 by 6 area in her lung that could stretch to other areas. Things are just coming in bit by bit. Please continue to pray, and I will continue to blog.