Breath, just breath....

I keep telling my self that. Breath, a deep breath and don't panic. I hate celebrating Bethanie's birthday without her. This year seems to be so much harder than the years past. Not sure why. Things are down here today, you can feel the sadness in the air. Not from the kids but from Sam and myself. We are not talking that much, and I have caught him staring into space many times. We did not go to church this morning, decided today was a day for us to just set here. I pray that the day gets better, but things don't seem to be going in that direction. I have kicked my OCD in to high gear, and cleaned out the freezer and about to start on the cabinets. Happy 10th birthday Bethanie...I love you and miss you dearly!!