Mother's day (My daughters)

Bethanie Nichole

Every Mother's day is both joyful and sad for me. I enjoy being a mother, and I love my two daughters with all the breath I have in me. Then I realize that I am one short. I have two daughters that love me unconditionally, and another I can't see anymore! When Sam and I got married I knew instantly that I wanted children. I did not want a career outside the home, I wanted to be a mother. Every month for that first year I would cry when the test came back negative. I got to the point that I would not even look at them. I would just throw them away before I seen the results. Why not? I knew the answer on that test was going to be negative as usual. The last part of July of 98, we went out of town with my mom and dad. I was down a little since August 1st was my first anniversary and I still was not pregnant. I told my mom that I was giving up and did not want children anymore. I had started a job at a local daycare, where I had 12 children under my care ranging from 0 to 18 months old. If I could not get pregnant then I would just be around these children and take care of them.

On the night of August 1st we decided that we would drink a little to celebrate our anniversary. Before I drank I knew that Sam would make me take a test since I had not had a monthly since May. So in the bathroom I go to take a test that will surely be negative again. I locked the door so that he could not come in to see the tears that I was sure to cry when the results came back. I take the test and start to cry before it even shows anything and as usual throw it away. Sam is at the door and says "Stac, what does it say?" I reply "negative." Honestly I had not looked at the test instinct just told me negative. I go to unlock the door and decide that I will just check the test to make sure that I was right. I reach down and turn it over and it was POSITIVE!! I am trying to get out the door to tell Sam and I can't get in unlocked. I start screaming that I am pregnant and you could hear him running from the living room. I am hysterical cause I am practically busting the door down trying to get out. Finally, I get the door open and show Sam the results. The next day I make the appointment with the OB/GYN and sure enough almost 16 weeks pregnant.

Bethanie Nichole was born early by emergency c-section on the 29th of March 2000. She was 8lbs 4oz and 21 1/2 inches long. She was such a good baby sleeping all through the night from birth.

Sadly enough, the Lord wanted me to have a child for just a short time. Bethanie was with us a little over a year when she passed away. My quest to motherhood had came unexpectedly and left the same way. In the blink of an eye I was pregnant with my little girl, and in the blink of an eye I was burying my little girl.

Aleeyah Faithe

Three years had passed since Bethanie's death. I was trying everything in my power to get pregnant again with no luck. There was a new OB/GYN in town who specialized in infertility issues. What the heck I had tried everything else why not him.
I go to the first visit and go through all the blood work and prodding that they do to you. They find that I have no progesterone. The level was so low I would not carry a baby if I even got pregnant. So the drug of choice was Clomaphine. This stuff makes you pack on weight, and I felt horrible on it. After a year of taking the medicine and being poked and prodded I threw my hands up and said no more. I can't handle it any longer!! I did not want to test on day 21, I did not want to take my temp all month. I was just tired of not having a "normal" monthly. I was working full time and insurance don't cover the cost of infertility. I could not afford to go any higher up the ladder. The medicine was expensive enough and IVF was out of my range. I told the doctor that I might give it a try later but not now. Sometime later I decide that I want to once again try the infertility. Sam and myself had everything paid for and I could afford to pay for it a little better. Another girl that I worked with was also trying to get pregnant. She was taking Clomid, and had moved up on dosage. I remembered how bad it can make you feel as you climb up the milligrams. Oh, here I go again I thought. So after he gives me a blood test and finds that I have no progesterone again, I begin the 25 mg of clomid.

On Christmas my friend called me at home to announce she was FINALLY pregnant. I cried for joy and for pain. In January I was scheduled to go back and test again to get more pills. As procedure you are to take a pregnancy test before he gives you the pills. So I did and I was pregnant!! Finally after 4 years I was pregnant.

Aleeyah Faithe was born via c-section on August the 31st 2004, weighing 8lbs 8oz and 20 1/2 inches long. She was brought to me with her hair in piggy tails and ribbons.

Averrie Samarah

Okay, tears on the first cause I could not get pregnant. Fertility treatments with Aleeyah cause I could not get pregnant. So I never worried about getting pregnant again. I was taking all the steps I need to take to ensure I would not get pregnant (as if there was a chance right)? I was still breastfeeding 18 month old Aleeyah and had no worries. I began to notice that I was feeling strange and wanting to vomit when I smelt foods. I tried to pass this over with my mom as a very long running stomach bug. Yea right can you say denial!! In Feb 0f 06 I was getting Aleeyah ready for a pageant I enrolled her in when I told Sam I just felt bad. There was ice on the roads and I needed him to go to town and get me a pregnancy test. He just kept saying "surely NOT". Well surely so I was as pregnant as everything. I didn't tell anyone that day till I could make an appointment and make sure that it was true. Sure enough I was pregnant and I was upset. I had a baby still and what about feeding her? How could I break her? At 10 weeks I started bleeding and went to the ER. They performed an ultrasound and said the baby appeared to be fine. Heart rate was good, movement was good, it was probably break through bleeding. Two nights later I started gushing blood and just knew I had lost the baby. Off to the ER I go and they do another ultrasound. Nope, baby is fine, heart rate is fine. Just threatened miscarriage and to call my doc tomorrow morning. I did as I was told and they told me that if I had to go back to the ER to let him know and he would come and see me. Later that night I was loosing blood excessively and went back to the ER. Doc came and seen me and put me on complete bed rest for 1-2 months. Now mind you I have an 18 month old that I have to take care of. I laid flat for almost 2 months and I carried her to term.

Averrie Samarah was born via c-section on September 26th, 2006 weighing 8lb 4oz and 20 1/2 inches long.
Those are my daughters and they are the reason I can celebrate Mother's day every year. Hope you enjoy my not so short stories about my girls...

Happy Mother's Day to all you mothers out there, and for those who are wanting to be mothers with no luck...don't give up, a baby will come to you when you least expect it.