Not time to grow up yet.....

So as you might or might not know Aleeyah is terrified of storms. Well she is terrified of the rain, the thunder, the lighting and wind. So last night as we are setting in the living room and the rain was coming down. Aleeyah was setting on the couch and she said "rain go away, I am a BIG girl now and I am not scared of you anymore." It would so happen that at that moment as the words rolled off her tongue a clap of thunder hit and the lights went out. Well, all I hear is Aleeyah screaming "OKAY OKAY I ain't ready to grow up yet!!!" These hilarious words are screaming out of her mouth as she runs to try to find me in the dark!! She is irritated at me since I could not stop laughing at her all through the terrible storm that we had. They truly will say the craziest things.

So tonight was "I am on strike night", since we do not have eat out nights during the week days at the house Sam will be extremely surprise. A different routine to the "normal" he is use to. I am going to snuggle on the couch with a good movie that my mother-in-law sent down. Suppose to be a thriller (not scary, since I don't do scary), but suspense. The next few weeks will be WAY busy on me so I better enjoy the quite while I can.

We are trying to get all our information together and all the paper work in line to home school Aleeyah. Before Sam and myself had children I decided that I would home school them. This was a choice that did not take long to make. I just pray that Aleeyah is ok with it and things go well. She will be 5 the last day of August, so if she does not take to the homeschooling I can always start her in Kindergarten next year and she will still be good on age!! This is something I want to try for her and myself, pray that it works!! Off to my movie Hush, Hush sweet baby and a nice cold glass of sweet tea. Hopefully tonight we sleep better than last night!

Mother's day (My daughters)

Bethanie Nichole

Every Mother's day is both joyful and sad for me. I enjoy being a mother, and I love my two daughters with all the breath I have in me. Then I realize that I am one short. I have two daughters that love me unconditionally, and another I can't see anymore! When Sam and I got married I knew instantly that I wanted children. I did not want a career outside the home, I wanted to be a mother. Every month for that first year I would cry when the test came back negative. I got to the point that I would not even look at them. I would just throw them away before I seen the results. Why not? I knew the answer on that test was going to be negative as usual. The last part of July of 98, we went out of town with my mom and dad. I was down a little since August 1st was my first anniversary and I still was not pregnant. I told my mom that I was giving up and did not want children anymore. I had started a job at a local daycare, where I had 12 children under my care ranging from 0 to 18 months old. If I could not get pregnant then I would just be around these children and take care of them.

On the night of August 1st we decided that we would drink a little to celebrate our anniversary. Before I drank I knew that Sam would make me take a test since I had not had a monthly since May. So in the bathroom I go to take a test that will surely be negative again. I locked the door so that he could not come in to see the tears that I was sure to cry when the results came back. I take the test and start to cry before it even shows anything and as usual throw it away. Sam is at the door and says "Stac, what does it say?" I reply "negative." Honestly I had not looked at the test instinct just told me negative. I go to unlock the door and decide that I will just check the test to make sure that I was right. I reach down and turn it over and it was POSITIVE!! I am trying to get out the door to tell Sam and I can't get in unlocked. I start screaming that I am pregnant and you could hear him running from the living room. I am hysterical cause I am practically busting the door down trying to get out. Finally, I get the door open and show Sam the results. The next day I make the appointment with the OB/GYN and sure enough almost 16 weeks pregnant.

Bethanie Nichole was born early by emergency c-section on the 29th of March 2000. She was 8lbs 4oz and 21 1/2 inches long. She was such a good baby sleeping all through the night from birth.

Sadly enough, the Lord wanted me to have a child for just a short time. Bethanie was with us a little over a year when she passed away. My quest to motherhood had came unexpectedly and left the same way. In the blink of an eye I was pregnant with my little girl, and in the blink of an eye I was burying my little girl.

Aleeyah Faithe

Three years had passed since Bethanie's death. I was trying everything in my power to get pregnant again with no luck. There was a new OB/GYN in town who specialized in infertility issues. What the heck I had tried everything else why not him.
I go to the first visit and go through all the blood work and prodding that they do to you. They find that I have no progesterone. The level was so low I would not carry a baby if I even got pregnant. So the drug of choice was Clomaphine. This stuff makes you pack on weight, and I felt horrible on it. After a year of taking the medicine and being poked and prodded I threw my hands up and said no more. I can't handle it any longer!! I did not want to test on day 21, I did not want to take my temp all month. I was just tired of not having a "normal" monthly. I was working full time and insurance don't cover the cost of infertility. I could not afford to go any higher up the ladder. The medicine was expensive enough and IVF was out of my range. I told the doctor that I might give it a try later but not now. Sometime later I decide that I want to once again try the infertility. Sam and myself had everything paid for and I could afford to pay for it a little better. Another girl that I worked with was also trying to get pregnant. She was taking Clomid, and had moved up on dosage. I remembered how bad it can make you feel as you climb up the milligrams. Oh, here I go again I thought. So after he gives me a blood test and finds that I have no progesterone again, I begin the 25 mg of clomid.

On Christmas my friend called me at home to announce she was FINALLY pregnant. I cried for joy and for pain. In January I was scheduled to go back and test again to get more pills. As procedure you are to take a pregnancy test before he gives you the pills. So I did and I was pregnant!! Finally after 4 years I was pregnant.

Aleeyah Faithe was born via c-section on August the 31st 2004, weighing 8lbs 8oz and 20 1/2 inches long. She was brought to me with her hair in piggy tails and ribbons.

Averrie Samarah

Okay, tears on the first cause I could not get pregnant. Fertility treatments with Aleeyah cause I could not get pregnant. So I never worried about getting pregnant again. I was taking all the steps I need to take to ensure I would not get pregnant (as if there was a chance right)? I was still breastfeeding 18 month old Aleeyah and had no worries. I began to notice that I was feeling strange and wanting to vomit when I smelt foods. I tried to pass this over with my mom as a very long running stomach bug. Yea right can you say denial!! In Feb 0f 06 I was getting Aleeyah ready for a pageant I enrolled her in when I told Sam I just felt bad. There was ice on the roads and I needed him to go to town and get me a pregnancy test. He just kept saying "surely NOT". Well surely so I was as pregnant as everything. I didn't tell anyone that day till I could make an appointment and make sure that it was true. Sure enough I was pregnant and I was upset. I had a baby still and what about feeding her? How could I break her? At 10 weeks I started bleeding and went to the ER. They performed an ultrasound and said the baby appeared to be fine. Heart rate was good, movement was good, it was probably break through bleeding. Two nights later I started gushing blood and just knew I had lost the baby. Off to the ER I go and they do another ultrasound. Nope, baby is fine, heart rate is fine. Just threatened miscarriage and to call my doc tomorrow morning. I did as I was told and they told me that if I had to go back to the ER to let him know and he would come and see me. Later that night I was loosing blood excessively and went back to the ER. Doc came and seen me and put me on complete bed rest for 1-2 months. Now mind you I have an 18 month old that I have to take care of. I laid flat for almost 2 months and I carried her to term.

Averrie Samarah was born via c-section on September 26th, 2006 weighing 8lb 4oz and 20 1/2 inches long.
Those are my daughters and they are the reason I can celebrate Mother's day every year. Hope you enjoy my not so short stories about my girls...

Happy Mother's Day to all you mothers out there, and for those who are wanting to be mothers with no luck...don't give up, a baby will come to you when you least expect it.

I needed a change...

Okay, I needed a change. Every morning I would get up and try to fix this stuff I called hair. It would always want to do it's own thing. I could never do anything with it. Well, I have NEVER had a hair style. You know one of those styles that you go in and the salon's give you and when you wash it the next day it NEVER looks the same again!! So off I go to the local beautician school. The thought of having a STUDENT do my hair terrified me. My little cousin Brittany is attending there and I knew that she would not mess things up. I walk in and of course shake my head at the thought that I am about to cut off my hair.

Well, it begins.....Brittany grabs my hair and ponytails it down low. She then cuts it off!!!! I just **gasped**.......that is when she showed me the hair. 4 inches was no longer attached to my head!! BREATH, that is all I kept telling my self. Just breath deeply things will be ok...BRITTANY would NEVER mess my hair up. She knows that I would kill her personally. I just kept telling her "Brittany, I don't want it short...not to short k!" She assures me that things will be fine. After 3 hours, I am so pleased with the end product. I LOOOOOOVE and I mean LOOOOOOVE my hair.... I recommend Brittany Pringle at the cosmetology school any day, cause she is WONDERFUL!! Even if she is a student.

It is not time yet!!

It is late at night and I just can't seem to find it in me to sleep. I am constantly thinking about my friends mother Sandra. She has been a second mother to me since I was 7. A best friend to my mom and to my whole family. She is laying in a hospital bed in Little Rock tonight dieing from breast cancer. This is a battle she has been fighting for 2 years. We have watched as she went from a healthy mother/grandmother, to a person who could not get up. I set here with tears streaming down my face because I don't want her to hurt anymore...yet I am not ready for her to go!! I have not seen her in some time and that has bothered me dearly. I did not want to take the kids by her house, since she was so sick and I never knew if they had something that they would give to her. So many emotions are running through my mind right now. I feel such hurt for her kids who are setting by her side with her till she leaves this earthly life. Of all the good times that we had and all the bad. She has fought with everything she had..every breath has been in fighting this horrible disease. The time has came that the Lord wants to call her home. The phone rings and I cringe, the cell goes off and I cry. I know that soon that call is going to come...I am on edge!! We all continue to text her kids to try to find things out...is she ok...is she making it???? So in ending tonight I ask you all to pray from the bottom of your hearts and souls that Sandra Harvey is spared the pain of this life.......and taken to the comforts of the heavenly life!!! That her kids will hold strong together and heal slowly from this pain that they have!!

We love you Sandra and the Lord is going to call you home...

I have been missing in action.....

Yea, I have been missing in action. I guess you could say in the witness protection program!! J/K!!!! To be honest I decided that I needed a little part time job so a friend of mine needed a babysitter for her 8 month old. Guess who took it? ME!! I must have forgotten that I have a full time job with the two I have in my possession already. I don't mind though since it keeps me busy during the day time. The girls are entertaining her and she is keeping them busy!

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You know I went to town this last wkend and it was sad. I guess that you never really think about what will happen when the "help" leaves. Will they remember Mena in 6 months? Will they remember that there are those here that have nothing left? I pray they do!!

I was saddened to see them all leaving. First, the FEMA (who did not help much), then the national guard (didn't mind that one), and then the Christian Disaster Relief. I have seen them all going out 8 west and leaving town. Makes you wonder what the families are thinking that lost everything? Do they think that they have been forgotten? So many questions and so many answers!

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Well, my friend called me and she had her new baby this wkend. A little girl named Keeta Marie. I know that her big sissy Joslyn is really enjoying have her little sissy there. So congrats to Brian, Candina and Joslyn Lay on the birth of little Keeta Marie!

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So I guess everyone has heard of the bobcat that is on the loose. Yes I said BOBCAT! The man who owns the animal reserve on the mountain lived on Westmorland and he had a "pet" bobcat. Well, Westmorland is about 4-5 blocks from me. Yea, something else to worry about in this little tiny parcel of land of mine!! HA HA!! So this thing is declawed (WHO CARES) it still has teeth right? That means dog+bobcat= a bad event in the front yard!! So I am sending a message out to the "bobcat" of polk county.....HEAD SOUTH!!!!!!!!

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I am proud to say that Aleeyah has learnt to write her whole name. First, middle and last!! She can even write her telephone number! I am so proud of her!!

Averrie has learned all her ABC's, and can count to 15 at the age of 2. I knew that there was smarts somewhere in my family. It just skipped a generation with Sam and myself!! HA HA!!

I guess I should run since the 8 month old is eating something that is not supposed to be used for that purpose!! Until later bye from the WPP (witness protection program).

Someones memory!!

Sam has been volunteering with a local church. This church is across from the library and across from the park. Sam was tearing down a storage unit that was destroyed in the parking lot of that church when he located a picture.

This picture came from someones home and is a memory for them. If you have seen these people, if you know them, or know someone who might know them send me an email. As you can see it is a man with two women and the date is Aug 21st, 1977. I have downloaded this to Channel 4 news in LR in hopes someone might see it! There are allot of people who still don't have cable or dish so that will not get to all of them. As soon as they will let me out I am going to start walking through the devastation area and see if I can find them. Then if that don't work to the Mena Star I go!!

Tornado? What tornado?

Well that is the new thing around here. Aleeyah seems to be having ALOT of problems from the recent tornado. She has even gone as far to say

"Mommie, our house was supposed to blow away! You know like everyone else!"

WHAT?!?!? I don't understand why she thinks that. I can't drive around the devastation, but I can go through the areas that are not hit the hardest. Peach orchard to 375 West and that way don't look so bad. She really thinks that our house should not have been spared! I just don't know what to do. Sam says that it is just a 4 year old being scared but I am really concerned! She has heard and seen so much in the last week that she is associating tornado=death. Totally heartbreaking to me.

So the new "rule" around the house and around Aleeyah is to not mention the tornado. Act "as normal" as we can around her and speak of things when she is not in the room or asleep. Not lie to her if she asks but just don't mention it. That is the only thing I can think of right now. It is horrible, she won't let go of my pants pocket when I walk. A little girl came into mom's and ran in and told Telissa about the tornado. Aleeyah came screaming and crying. She misunderstood and thought that a tornado was coming. What scares me the most is that Sam has to go back to nights tomorrow night and how is she going to react to him being gone? What is she going to do with him not here to tell her every night that it is ok? We are building a safe room in the garage, starting on it SOON. I contacted a man about putting a shelter in, but Aleeyah REFUSED to

crawl into a hole in the ground. Looks like we will be standing up in a safe room instead. As long as we have something, next time we might not be so blessed. Continue to pray for all those who have been effected, even in the littlest ways!!